Call

by Sara Lufrano

Oscar stared at his phone while music and people filled the room. Her phone number was there. All he had to do was touch it. Just touch it.

He locked his phone and walked over to his girlfriend, Holly. He grabbed her around the waist. She looked at him and kissed his face. He let her kiss him.

By the end of the party it was just Oscar, his roommate, Holly and her two friends. His roommate, Luke, was playing video games while the three girls were laying on each other on the other couch. Oscar sat next to Luke and watched him play.

“I almost called her,” Oscar said.

Luke was focused on the game. “Who?”

“Anne.”

“Why, dude?”

“I miss her.” Oscar had been saying it to himself for a year but supposed this was the first time he said it out loud.

“What about Holly?”

Oscar looked to the sleeping woman. “Yeah.” He stood up. “I'm going to take her to bed.”

He guided her upstairs. She rested her head on his shoulder as they clumsily walked to his bedroom. She fell into bed and he lay next to her. She started to breathe heavy.

He pulled out his phone again and pulled up Anne's contact. He stared at it. Call or cancel? Call or cancel? His heart pounded in his ears. He locked the screen.

It was another Friday night, a few hours before the party started. Oscar was sitting on one of the couches playing around with his guitar.

“Yo, man!” The voice of Oscar's other best friend, Elliot, preceded him. “I think I saw Anne today.”

Oscar's body heated up like an oven and he gripped the neck of the guitar. “Where?”

“The grocery store on Vine.”

“Did she see you?”

“No, man, she had headphones in.” Elliot sat next to him. “I could be wrong though. I thought she moved away?”

Oscar looked at his hand where he held the guitar, “Yeah.” He put it against the couch and got up to grab a beer. “How did she look?”

“Look man, it might not have been her.” Elliot followed to get a beer as well.

“Then how about the girl you saw? How did she look?”

“Oh,” Elliot drank half the beer. “She had short hair, still hot. You know, like Anne.”

Oscar leaned against the sink and crossed his arms against his chest.

“Ah man, the cutest dog came into the hospital today too. He was the best and licked everyone who would come by…” Oscar was hearing the noise but not listening to the meaning.

Anne was back. Why? He should call her. Maybe she came back and wants to see him. She might call him first. She could want to get back together. He could move in with her.

Luke came home.

“Hey,” Luke said. He dropped his stuff at the door.

“Anne's back,” Oscar blurted out.

“What the fuck?” Luke asked.

Elliot put up his hands. “I said I only think I saw her.”

“Oh,” Luke walked to the fridge to get a beer, “So you have no idea if she is? You know I hope she isn't. She's a bitch, dude.”

That hung in the air. She did practically steal away in the night without a word. She left her house key on the coffee table and then there was no trace of her.

“I liked her,” Elliot said.

“You like everyone,” Luke said, annoyed to be having the conversation.

Later that night Holly was hanging on Oscar with a beer in her hand and yelling across the room. “Shut the fuck up! You don't know shit.”

“Fuck off, Holly.” Luke was ready to get her out of his house.

“Stop fighting with him,” Oscar told her.

She turned to him in a labored move. She couldn't focus her eyes on him. “You're supposed to be on my side.”

Oscar hadn't drunk near the amount anyone else at the party drank. “There aren't sides.”

“Yeah, there are.”

Oscar removed her arm from around him. “Stop it. Why can't you be classy or nice? You're fucking wasted.”

“You're fucking wasted.” She put a finger in his face. “Fuck you.”

“Go to bed.” He walked away from her. He ended up outside on the front porch of the house.

It was a warm night. He took out his phone and pulled up Anne's number. Call or cancel? Call or cancel? Call. His body was on fire and he thought the phone would slip from his sweating hand. His entire chest pounded against his skin.

He pressed for speaker. One ring, voicemail. The phone's voice rattled off the numbers. Cool relief washed over him and he ended the call. He let out the breath he was holding and bent over, elbows to his knees. What would he have said anyway?

You're back in town, why? It doesn't matter, can we be back together? You know I love you. I always have. The past? Yeah, no, I know I was fucked up. But I understand it now. And since I get it I'll be better to you. I never want to be without you. Ever.

Oscar Googled the symptoms of having a blocked number. One ring and to voicemail.

He walked back into the party. Elliot was slumped against the wall talking to three other people.

“Elliot,” Oscar said.

“Yeah, man?” Elliot said without turning towards him.

Oscar stepped in front of him. “What time did you see Anne?”

“Dude,” Elliot nodded his head, “she's super hot.”

“What time did you see her?”

“I was getting lunch, I got like, Chinese food.” Elliot smiled and leaned on Oscar.

Oscar started to be more social, making everyone go out for drinks, dinner, weird walks around downtown that Luke and Elliot took issue with. He also went to the same grocery store for everything. The one on Vine.

“I hate this one.” Luke was pushing the grocery cart. “Don't think I'm stupid, dude.”

Oscar grabbed at stuff on the shelves, looked it over and placed it back.

“That was like, four weeks ago. It wasn't her.”

“She blocked my number,” Oscar said.

“You should block her fucking number.”

“Hey look,” Oscar grabbed a bag of shredded cheese, “I'm getting this.”

Oscar sat in his assigned edit bay running through pilot after pilot of potential shows. His phone buzzed with a new text message. He looked at it. Elliot's name with the message hidden. It buzzed again. Elliot. Then a call.

Oscar picked it up. “What, dude? I'm working.”

“She's here. Like it is actually her, man. It's her.”

Oscar had waves in his chest and wet sand in his brain.

“What do I do? Should I talk to her?” Elliot said.

“Yes!” He surprised himself at how loud he yelled. “Yeah, keep her there. At least try and get where she lives.”

“Hey, Anne!” Oscar heard Elliot say from afar before he ended the call.

Her name actually being associated to her physical presence made him clumsy. He walked away from his desk first without his keys and then pushed his chair so far from his desk it wasn't worth pulling it back. He jogged out of the building.

Halfway to the grocery store Elliot called back.

“She left. I couldn't get her to stay.”

Of course, Oscar thought. She had to have.

A few weeks later Holly had her legs draped over Oscar's lap as they drank beer and watched a movie on TV. Commercials and all.

“Fast forward through these,” Holly said searching for the remote. “Isn't this recorded?”

“I like the commercials,” Oscar said.

“That's stupid.”

“I am stupid, you're very right.”

A sense of real dread followed him wherever he went. A shadow of her that looked over his shoulder but was always too far away to touch. He talked to Anne in his head all the time. He would answer for her, sometimes in the way he wanted her to answer, “I've missed you,” but mostly in the way she would actually answer, “Get away from me.”

He would scan every room he walked in, looking for her, hoping to lay eyes on her and see her smile. See her smile at him.

How sorry could he be? How could he show her that? He'd have to sum up everything he felt in one sentence. The sentence she'd let him get out before turning her back to him and walking away again.

He always asked Elliot to recount his conversation with her in the grocery store. To describe her. Did she look single?

“How does someone look single?” Luke asked.

“Like you, Luke,” Oscar said.

“Whatever, dude. I'm single because I want to be. And don't forget about Holly,” Luke said.

Oscar shook his head. “She doesn't matter.”

“And that, dude, that right there,” Luke pointed at Oscar, “that's why Anne will never be with you again.”

Oscar called Anne's number. One ring and then voicemail. He thought that if he called enough when he actually saw her he wouldn't be as nervous.

He hung up and called again. Hung up and called again. Then Googled if the calls showed anywhere for her to see. He didn't dig very far but found out that she wouldn't know. So he called again and left a voicemail, “Hi. I miss you.” He ended the call.

He called back. “I don't want anything from you. I just want to talk.” He ended the call.

He called back. “I know why you left and I'm sorry. I wasted my chance and I deserve it. I just want to talk to you.” He ended the call.

He called back. “I always think about you, even more now that you're back. I don't think I love you, but I still might.” He ended the call.

Oscar was walking with Holly from one bar to the next. She was trying hard to get drunk while he was taking it slow. They stood outside so she could smoke a cigarette.

Oscar heard a laugh that invoked a feeling like a familiar smell. He turned his head. There she was. Anne. She was laughing with a group of girls and hanging out in front of a restaurant.

He froze, staring at her. He didn't blink. All he saw was her, as if she moved in slow motion. He felt as if he would remember every way she moved her body.

“I'm ready,” Holly said.

Holly's voice was distant to him.

“Okay. I'm going inside. I have to pee,” she said and left.

He reached into his pocket and took out his phone. He pulled up Anne's number and pressed call.

One ring, straight to voicemail. Robot voice phone number. Beep.

“Anne. I'm looking at you right now. You're beautiful. I want to run up and grab you, tell you I'm sorry, kiss you.”

She reached into her purse and pulled out her phone. He ended the call quickly and moved behind a tree just in case she looked around. Could she see his phone call? Is this the first message she'll get from him? He should have said something better than that. He should have said, I didn't love you like I said I was going to, I'm sorry.

He could tell she unlocked her phone and then she gathered the group to take a picture. Just a picture. He missed those.

Oh God, what was she doing back? Why did he have to see her? Pain set in where he supposed a nervousness should have. His rib cage snapped and twisted into a knot that also made it hard to breathe.

Anne kept laughing and talking, then smiling and listening. She talked with her hands and moved her face in a million emotions as the group meandered.

He fucking missed her. He wanted her face pressed up to his. He wanted to breathe in her air. If he could hold her he'd never let go.

She was happy. His chest tightened even more. She's happy not being with me.

His phone buzzed. He flipped it out of his pocket and almost dropped it. It was Holly.

Oscar looked back to Anne. She and her group were walking away. He went into the bar and sat next to Holly.

“What were you doing?” She asked.

“Getting over someone.”

“What's that mean?” She raised an eyebrow and pushed out her lips.

“Good news, I guess, for you.” He took down half the drink she ordered for him. “Come on, let's drink.”